My Story

"I want to be an artist or a missionary when I grow up," I remember saying when I was very young.  From the beginning of my story God was there and knit in me desires for the future.  There are many trials we walk through that build us up and knock us down, but in all of this we can walk forward in the knowledge that God is with us and that there is a life full of life before us.

My parents have always been very encouraging to my siblings and I to be anything we feel God is leading us to be.  They always opened the gate of possibilities wide to us, saying that we can do anything we want to for our lives.  In spite of that, through culture and media, I began to believe that both professions were not real jobs.  That there is no money to be made if I choose either route.  Still, as a child and through my teenage years I was encouraged by teachers and family to pursue being an artist.  When it came time to choose a college nothing seemed to fit.  The art school I wanted to apply to was far too much money and I didn't feel comfortable pulling out that large of a loan.  The other schools I considered were with the mindset that I am "supposed to" go to college.  It's what everyone does.  One afternoon I prayed about the direction I should go and asked the Lord if I should apply to a college in downtown Minneapolis.  It was my last option, as far as I could see.  I heard the Lord speak more clearly than I have ever heard Him speak before.  He stated that if I apply I need to realize that I will not go to that school.  That door is shut to me.  I was at a loss.

During this time I had started going to two separate churches that were similar but had difference.  Those differences are what began to cause me to teeter in my faith.  For years before this God beckoned me to come dive into His word.  I consistently chose to only moderately seek the Lord.  I had no real biblical foundation at this time so all of my truth came directly from the pulpit.  With these conflicts in view I began to spiral downward in my confusion.  Also as I neared the middle of my senior year of high school I began to realize all the things I had "missed out" on.  I explained plainly to the Lord that I could do better than Him in my life an dI would have more fun doing it.  I told Him that I would still be a "christian" but I would not obey Him in His calling to me to be a missionary.  This greatly added to my spiral downward and I had to attempt to cover myself in many areas.  I had removed myself from God's covering and so now had to fill my life with even more pride to account for the insecurity in my life.

Around this time I met with my youth leader and she asked me what I planned to do next.  I explained to her how everything felt like a dead end and a shut door.  She said, "Why don't you go do YWAM?"  YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission, the organization I work with now.  I had heard of YWAM when I was in my early teens and thought it sounded like a thing I should do, but that fell to the background with my dreams of pursuing art and the nations.  When she said YWAM I knew I need to look into this option.  I had no other way, so why not?  I sent in my application and I honestly stated that I wasn't sure how I stood with the Lord and that I was in the midst of a lot of confusion.  They must have prayed over this app a lot because I was accepted a few months later and planned to start my first school with YWAM in the upcoming fall.

As my graduation from high school rolled around I was a mess.  The only truth I could hold to was that there is a God and that Jesus died on the cross but I had no idea why.  I cried out to God in broken words that I needed help and I didn't know what to do, but I hoped He would come to my rescue.  Immediately I felt relief and clarity.  He beckoned me closer to Him, but I was still filled with pride and selfishness.  I figured I would really draw closer this fall when I joined YWAM.  

While working with YWAM, graduating from two of their schools and traveling to various countries, God broke me.  He broke me for His people and He broke the pride out of my heart.  He revealed to me that He never will and never has left me.  In all things we can participate with Him.  In the past few years, in and out of YWAM God began to stir a passion in me for the muslim people.  His creation.  I traveled with a team to Pakistan, Dubai and Afghanistan.  And in Afghanistan my heart finally felt whole.  My two desires to be an artist and a missionary became a reality.  God has desires that He has put in all of us.  Those things that light up your heart are what God wants to use and has designed within you.  I look forward to my future and I look with hope that God knows me and knows you.  He has purposed for us all a great story that is filled with life and adventure.