Caught Up In Your String

I just finished my "I don't know where I'm going" road trip mix.  As we prepare to move several states away from the place we have made our home, I feel mostly fear.  The stress is mounting, and I feel panic tugging at my hair.  We have several decisions and preparations that must fall into place in a week and a half.  Sleepless nights, filling head, I might just be going crazy.  I know we are not alone, or I think I know that.  I walk through life with alone-ness in my heart, my will, my being.  Why can I not lay down my grasp on things I don't understand?  This time is important.  I can feel it.  It's a time to choose someone else's help.

My son's name will be Daingr (pronounced "Danger").  We aim for his life to emulate courage in the face of fear.  Tenacity saturating his being as he chooses the hard choices in life, like being himself, believing in his dreams, and loving God.  I want this too.  I want to pass this nature on to my son.

Music is an important key to my life.  It melts away my walls, even the walls I hold up against myself.  The movement of a song and the pain in one's voice causes me to see myself for what I am.  I find myself broken in its melody and then I can stand and face my life.  I can finally hear God's voice, no longer holding him at a distance.  The first song of my mix is "Paper Kite" by Damien Jurado.  This song sings the strain in my heart and then gives me hope that this won't last forever.

I'll be right outside

Floating by like a paper kite

I'm caught up in your string

Lucky enough to be in your tree

And you'll never float too long

The birds watch as I sing

Waiting around for scissor teeth

And I could be of use

One more knot in a prisoner's noose

And you'll never float too long

And you'll never float too long

And you'll never float too long