Honesty

This past weekend was PART 1 of "My Afghanistan" showing at the Art Lab Fort Collins.  The weekend was full of different types of people filtering in and out of our gallery space, leaning in close and standing back, hem and haw.  There were strong emotions, one woman pointing to a painting of two women in burqas titled Redemption, said, "I think this painting should be called Slavery!"  The night was also full of funny moments, like when a woman came up to me and asked, "So are you from Afghanistan?"  For those of you who don't know, I have bright blonde hair, blue eyes and look as Norweigan as my long ago ancestors. HA!

The moment that stuck out to me the most, however, was when I held back.  I promised myself before the show that I would not explain what the pieces were about.  "Its about the art," I stated with boldness and pride, "The art should speak for itself.  I want the viewer to feel what I meant and not have to be told."  As true as that statement is, it is not the truth. 

A woman came up to me and said, "I understand all of them, except that one," pointing to a painting of a blonde woman holding an axe to a man's neck.  I went on to vaguely stated that it was about women and power and how this painting represents the struggle of all women in Afghanistan, foreign and local.  I was lying.  After the woman stepped away, Nate called me out on this.  He very gently asked me why I don't just tell people what these paintings really mean.  "You paint with such honesty," he stated, "and so you should share with honesty."

I am afraid, of judgement, of cruelty, of misunderstanding.  I shared my art for the first time at my highschool graduation.  One painting was a three piece nude.  One person said, "I can't believe your highschool would let you paint that."  I didn't show again, not even publicly in my house until seven years later, this past April.  Nate, my husband, encouraged me enough to get me to put my work out there.  I feel like in many ways I have overcome the fear of showing, although I still have a fear of asking places if I can show.  What if I am rejected?  A couple months ago, I shared this painting, woman with axe, with a close-ish friend.  I told him what it meant to me.  He misunderstood, and flipently wrote it off.  I really don't even remember what he said.  All I remember is what I felt in the moment.  If you haven't noticed, I have never posted this particular painting on my facebook or website, only on Etsy for sale.  This was because of one comment.

I responded to Nate with a small step forward.  "I see what you mean, but I don't have the courage yet to share the truth about these painting, what they personally represent.  I can however begin slowly to stand up for what I believe.  I will begin to correct women that believe burqas are Slavery.  I will muster up the words to tell them how beautiful and intricate the Afghans are.  I will share honesty, a small step, even if not complete."