This again... is it okay?

I like him... that is not a new thing.  I move so fast into these things.  Do I value him enough to wait and be patient.  I always pursue.  Why do I not wait to be pursued?  Am I worried I will miss out?  Why do I think he won't pursue me?  So many of my friends are gone.  I don't want to lose him.  Why do I always find myself in this place?  I feel like he will except my normalcy, my faults and ridiculous emotional state.  He'll challenge me.  Will he lead?  That is why... I need to wait.  Is this fleeting?  So much to process... Where did this come from?

How did this come?  How do I press pause?  Oh Lord, I don't want to mess this up again.  You said you are bringing love to me... does that mean I can wait and watch and see your provision and trust that you love me?  You are my intimate one... I need to rest in your love for me. Wow, such raw thoughts.  I need to think more about this.  

Who really is the one?  And if I fall for him will I fail to stay satisfied?  Is there always a better choice?  Is it okay to admit that and still enjoy the one your with?  Yes, it is... what does commitment feel like when it doesn't feel like a trap?  Maybe it does feel like a trap sometimes and at the same time it is freedom.  To have someone that completely knows me... so freeing and so scary at the same time.  He's not going anywhere, really?  He's going to stay and I get to have a partner for life.  Worthy to be worked on.  So beautiful.  Why is this so complicated?  Maybe I'm just making it that way.  I don't want to hurt him or lose him.  Lord, hold me and give me self control... fill me deeply with your trust.  And so much PATIENCE.  I want to move with you.  What if this is fleeting?  I would rather not move on this than lose him... is that true?  I hardly know him.  And right now the circumstances don't work... wait for circumstances.  Just wait.