shine through the old
I have been pondering an oddity within myself. As I look around I see friends that can do anything they want and find the largest challenge come easy. Full of talent and athleticism. Then I see those friends that struggle, but fight for the chance to compete. Life is much harder for them, but they push forward with courage even in the face of failure. But as I look at myself I notice that I hold back. Why try if I will fail? The only thing I have every really found motivation for to improve in is painting. Even in the face of discouragement I still fight forward to improve my art. Every other aspect in my life has no importance for improvement if I am not already successful. Many sports or games I avoid, simply saying I can't do that. My own husband has worked with all of his might to be skilled at every task that approaches him.
This may sound silly, but I had a HUGE breakthrough last night while bowling. Fact: I am bad at bowling. That is how it is and always will be so why should I put forth the effort of trying to improve. I don't want to be taught because it hurts my pride. It take all effort from just holding up the worth of who I am. Last night, however, I went bowling with my coworkers. One coworker in particular, Adrienne, used to be in a league. I just wanted to goof off and be bad at bowling, but she asked if I wanted any tips. I hesitated, my pride hesitated, but for some reason, this time I agreed. She gave me a couple of pointers - hard to swallow, but I took them and my score went from 4 to 54 in the first game. Then the next I broke through one hundred to a whopping 106 then 117. Wow! It felt great to care, to strive, to be teachable. It makes me want to continue to try and fight and not give up in other areas of my life. Fighting for discipline and challenge - pushing away fear. I feel like the new me is beginning to shine through the old.
This may sound silly, but I had a HUGE breakthrough last night while bowling. Fact: I am bad at bowling. That is how it is and always will be so why should I put forth the effort of trying to improve. I don't want to be taught because it hurts my pride. It take all effort from just holding up the worth of who I am. Last night, however, I went bowling with my coworkers. One coworker in particular, Adrienne, used to be in a league. I just wanted to goof off and be bad at bowling, but she asked if I wanted any tips. I hesitated, my pride hesitated, but for some reason, this time I agreed. She gave me a couple of pointers - hard to swallow, but I took them and my score went from 4 to 54 in the first game. Then the next I broke through one hundred to a whopping 106 then 117. Wow! It felt great to care, to strive, to be teachable. It makes me want to continue to try and fight and not give up in other areas of my life. Fighting for discipline and challenge - pushing away fear. I feel like the new me is beginning to shine through the old.
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